Akatsuki's Wild Child
by The-Magical-Bookworm
Summary: While returning from a mission, Itachi and Kisame stumbles upon a boy in the forest of death and takes him under the wing of the Akatsuki. Join the Akatsuki as they coop with their 'wild child' and all the responsibilities that comes with him.
1. Surprised?

**This was my first story ever published before Becka Neko and Ain't Life A Bitch. It was practice for me and I started to think more about it and now I have a plot unlike the first time. EnJoY~**

Darkness shrouded out the village as two figures moved among the shadows at a fast past. These two figures were known as Kisame and Itachi, two members of the secret organization known as the Akatsuki.

This organization was not yet known to the great nations, but within a few years, the bloodied cloud symbol would be known throughout the entire world. But until then, they would have to do small missions. Right now, they had been sent from Leader-sama to steal the sacred scroll from Konoha and replace it with a false one. The false one had the jutsu instructions, but not all the chakra hidden ones like the original.

"The quickest way is through the Forest of Death." Itachi said as they leaped roof to roof changing course.

The Forest of Death was a secluded area in Konoha that only few had excess to. The only time ninja gained excess to this territory was during the Chunnin exams. Arriving at the entrance of the forest, Itachi sighed inwardly at the fence surrounding the forest. It surprised him of how poorly guarded the place was. The only person was some purple headed chick with a monster temper.

Seriously, the forest of death was filled with monsters larger than most of the trees. How could a fence keep them all drawn back?

After leaping over the fence, they darted through the trees.

"So how does it feel to be back in Konoha?" Kisame asked.

"Brings back memories." Itachi answered as simply as possible. Kisame's face was filled with a small amount of disappointment.

"That all?"

"Hn."

Not another word was said until they were a few hours in.

"So how long is this Forest of Death?" Kisame asked impatiently. Itachi didn't respond. Something in the darkness of the trees moved. His first thought was an animal of some sort, but that theory was demolished as dozens of wooden darts flew from the trees.

He dodged them with ease, but his partner, Kisame, unfortunately, did not. One sliced his cheek and blood dripped out.

"The hell?" Itachi ignored Kisame's outburst and stared intently into the trees, watching, and waiting.

Sure enough, more came their way and once again he dodged them with ease. He guessed whoever set these traps must've used poison because Kisame's reaction time was slower than usually and he was pulling darts out of his cloak as well as skin.

"Little bastard." He grumbled harshly yanking them out.

"I advise you not to move Kisame." He said drawing out a kunai, "Our attacker uses poison."

With a quick throw, the kunai flew into the trees and there was a loud thud. A bird about the size of a ninja dog dropped to the ground with another loud thud. Whoever their attacker was had a great knowledge of the forest that was for sure.

He threw another one in a bush a few feet away and a figure leaped out. Itachi made no hesitation as he formed hand signs for the fireball technique and blew it at him.

The figure ran along the trunks of the trees evading the fire and countering with springing another trap. A giant log came from the tree behind him and forced him to dodged canceling his technique. The figure was standing up in a tree glaring down at them.

"Leave now or suffer the consequences!" Squinting his eyes, he blinked in surprise, it was boy!

**End of the first chapter! XP**


	2. Invitation

**Chapter 2 is here! Read it and weep! Well, don't actually cry, that'll make me feel like an ass, so just read it… ^_^"**

_Recap: The figure was standing up in a tree glaring down at them._

"_Leave now or suffer the consequences!" Squinting his eyes, he blinked in surprise, it was boy!_

**0o0**

The child looked no older than seven wearing nothing more than a pair of ripped stained brown shorts reaching down to his inner thighs. It wasn't doing a pretty well job of covering him up. He was covered in mud, muck, twigs; it had looked as though he just rolled in a pig pen and then a leaf pile. His hair ran down to his knees looking as atrocious as his skin. His hair looked to be brown, but the steaks of red in his hair gave away his true color. His amber eyes glared down at the two Akatsuki members. He could've easily been mistaken as a girl at first glance due to his feminine-like features.

"Well?" He challenged, "You going to leave my territory?"

Kisame snorted in laughter, "Like a little brat could make us leave!"

The boy crossed his arms, "Coming from the poisoned fish." He countered sticking his tongue out. Kisame grew a tick mark on his face. Itachi however, was more curious than irritated. Why was there a child out here in a forest filled with dangerous animals? And the better question was how he was so strong. Not even a chunin could've made traps as efficient and complicated as the ones this kid set.

"We're only passing through." He explained, "We aren't dangerous."

The boy snorted and crouched down, "The intruders aren't supposed to come until full leaf! Where's the others?"

_Intruders, full leaf? Just what was this kid babbling about? _

"What's your name?" He asked ignoring the boy's first question.

"No, go away!" Sighing, Itachi used the body flicker technique and poofed behind him. "Who are you?" He asked rewording the question. The boy poofed away and a sharp object was pressed against his back.

"You're not the only one who can use magic." Itachi's reply was a grunt and he poofed away startling the boy. The real Itachi was hiding in one of the trees observing the boy with extreme interest. Just what was boy with such skill doing here in the forest of death?

By now he was just testing the kid seeing how strong he was with little tricks. He threw kunai's and paperbombs in which he dodged most of them. The paperbombs freaked him out the most. Kisame noticed this and groaned, "Will you stop playing around already?"

The boy poofed behind the shark man and karate chopped him on the head.

"Baka!" He mocked poofing away when Kisame whirled around to attack. "That is it! I want in!"

He lifted his samehade and rushed him. Due to the poison being in his system it took great effect on his balance; Kisame was slow and clumsy. Whatever poison was used, it was highly effective. Kisame wasn't usually affected so much with poison since Sasori used him as a lab rat for his poison experiments. _This must be a homemade poison._ The boy took a few leaps back and smirked as Kisame collapsed to the ground panting slightly.

"That poison'll kill you within a day's time if you're lucky." He explained briefly not noticing the attack from Itachi. He was sent flying into a tree and coughed up blood.

Wiping away the blood from his mouth with his thumb, he quickly weaved hands signs and slammed to the ground, "Summoning!" Smoke filled the entire area as a giant raccoon appeared. It had shouldered armor with a katana on its back with strange symbols scribbled across. Itachi's eyes widened a bit. He had signed a contract? The raccoon's tail whipped side to side knocking down all the trees in its path. Its blue eyes gleamed down at them before up to where the boy was sitting on her head.

"Long time no see Fujiyama!" The boy chimed giving the giant raccoon a pat, "These guys are to strong and I need help."

Fujiyama's whiskers twitched, "Well, then I guess we're going with the usual tactic?"

"Yup, thank you!" He almost purred nuzzling her. Fujiyama rolled her eyes, "Alright kid, get going, I'll stall for them for as long as I can."

"Bye!" Then the boy leaped off and disappeared into the trees. The raccoon summoning turned and glared at Itachi and Kisame and drew out her katana, "Either leave or die." She threatened. Itachi blinked. He didn't want to waste his time with a raccoon, "We're leaving." Even if the boy intruiged him, he wasn't really in the mood to fight an agressive raccoon. All that went sky high when a gasped erupted from Kisame. "Little prick stole the scroll!"

_When did he..._

Itachi turned and faced back to Fujiyama, "Looks like we need to find that boy."

The giant raccoon bared her fangs, "You'll have to get past me first." She snarled.

_-Break?-_

Itachi landed elegantly on his two feet as smoke surrounded him. Kisame, who was sitting and enjoying the show, rose to his feet. "Let's find ourselves the thief."

Pushing chakra into his senses, he immediately picked up the trail of the boy and they took off.

It took a decent two hours before they came to the destination. The largest tree in the entire forest stood before them with a giant tree hole a few lights up. They leaped branch to branch until they landed into the tree hole and into an unusual sight. Shelves and shelves were stacked around the entire inner trunk stacked with berries, leaves, and roots with a library ladder. A few feet away was a homemade easel with large sheets of paper scattered around with bowls of crushed berries of many colors. In the far back was a hammock with a bamboo staff leaning against the wall. There was the boy in the hammock with the scroll wide open staring at the scroll in confusion.

"So you attack ninja and steal their jutsus?" Itachi said causing the boy to jerk his head up. In an instant he had the bamboo staff in his hands and was pointing it at them.

"How'd you find me?"

"We sniffed you out." He said simply, "Now give us the scroll."

"What does the scroll say anyways?" He asked motioning over to the tossed scroll.

"Can't you read?" Kisame growled sitting down. The boy narrowed his eyes, "No."

"Then why steal it?"

"…"

"…"

"Shut up."

-Insert tick mark-

Itachi pinched the bridge of his nose, "Can we get the scroll and the antidote? Then we'll leave, deal?"

The boy lowered his bamboo staff, "Fine, but any ferret business and the deals off!"

He set the staff down and began rolling the scroll up before throwing it at Kisame, hitting him in the face. Itachi mused as his boldness. It was obvious he knew that they were superior, but still had enough guts to bully them.

It was confirmed when the boy sat down, "I'm not coming to you."

Kisame stared at him in disbelief before staggering over to him. Blue chakra came from his hands as he pressed down on the wounds.

Itachi took this chance to start asking questions. "So what's your name?"

"Ichiko, you?" He grumbled spearing his hands in a strange leafy mixture.

"Itachi Uchiha and the guy your healing is Kisame Hoshigaki."

Ichiko stared at him in confusion, "Why do you have another name?" He asked yanking out a dart without care and firmly pressing the antidote onto the wound making the shark flinch slightly and glare.

"Everyone has a last name."

"A last name?"

"It's a way to tell other people what family you belong too." He paused, "Where's your family?"

Ichiko shrugged, "I donno, Master I guess."

Itachi's ears pricked with interest, "What's master's name? Where is he now?" He knew every single ninja in the entire village; a name would be all it took to figure out.

"Master's name is Master and he died." Ichiko answered nonchalant, "He died the leaf fall before last."

"What do you mean by leaf fall? You mean fall, right?"

Ichiko blinked, "You mean when the leaves fall?"

"Yes…"

"I guess so, but its called leaf fall, not fall because that's when the leaves fall. Like New leaf, Full leaf, and No leaf."

Kisame snorted, "Just what the hell are you kid; A jungle boy?"

Ichiko wrinkled his nose, "Jungle boy?" He slapped another big sludge of the antidote on the shark rather harshly and smeared it in.

Just how the hell did this 'master' guy raise him?

Kisame's eyebrow twitched as the sludge rolled down his arm and onto his cloak, "You said something about us being intruders, did you mean the Chunnin exams?"

"If that what you call all these dung eaters than yes. They always come here killing all the animals and themselves trying to steal scroll thingies like the one you've got, but smaller." He snorted, "They're all stupid."

He seemed to hate them. Then again, if he lived here his entire life without any contact to the ninja world, it would only be natural to view them as invaders. And if that was case, then this kid didn't know a thing about any of the wars or tailed beasts, nothing.

Itachi started thinking. A boy with such skill at his age was truly astounding. "Do you like it here?" He questioned watching the boy closely.

He shrugged, "I guess so. I'm not lonely if that's what you're saying; I have all the animals here to keep me happy."

"Have you ever thought of leaving?"

He gaped, "No way! Master told me never ever to leave the forest. He said there are bad creatures outside the metal nets that kill for no reason!" Ichiko slapped Kisame, "Done!"

Kisame stood up and flexed his arms, "Not too shabby for a brat."

"Ichiko, have you made contact with other people besides Master?"

Ichiko shook his head, "Nooo…"

"Would you like to come with us?"

Both the shark and forest boy snapped their head over to the Uchiha as if he had sprouted another head and starting breathing fire. A boy with his skill would be a great addition to the Akatsuki. Besides, if he were to be found by the wrong person, some serious shit would go down.

"Why should I?"

"You'll be able to see things beyond your wildest imagination, become a ninja, eat strange foods; there are just so many things to see beyond this forest." Persuading him should be easy considering his age. Seven year olds were always so easy to influence.

Ichiko looked around his home, "But what about this place? I'd have to leave all my poisons and herbs and berries and drawings and-"

"-learn new things." Itachi cut him off.

Kisame shook his head, "I don't think that's such a wise idea Itachi. Bringing a little kid into the Akatsuki will bring nothing but trouble."

Itachi knew his concerns, there were a few people that were prone to kill without second thought, then again, he'd be able to look after himself and he was sure Konan would cling to him like a leech, so there shouldn't be any problem.

"What's the Akatsuki?" Ichiko asked standing up and heading over to his easel, "Is it the name of your home or something?"

"Uh, it's a group of powerful people trying to make world peace." It wasn't exactly a lie, but he wasn't going to go into detail about it.

"My Master told me never to leave this forest, so I'm not leaving!" Ichiko decided stubbornly. Itachi had to go about this in a new way. "Wouldn't master want you to see the world? I mean, I don't think he planned for you to stay here all your life."

"You think so?"

"I don't think, I know."

"I'll go!"

Man it was easy to manipulate children. No wonder most of Root ninja's in Konoha were children. He just hoped that Sasuke wouldn't fall for anything stupid like he did with him. It was a lame excuse as to why he killed his clan, but Sasuke bought it. He suppressed a sigh of gloom.

Ichiko patted his cheeks, "So where are we going?" He asked as they leaped out of the tree hole and down to the forest floor.

"A place far away from here, a nation called Amegakure."

**EnD~! Review pwease =^.^=**


	3. Arriving and Introductions

**Here's chapter three! The big meeting~**

_Recap: Ichiko patted his cheeks, "So where are we going?" He asked as they leaped out of the tree hole and down to the forest floor._

"_A place far away from here, a nation called Amegakure."_

**0o0**

"Are we there yet?" Ichiko asked trailing behind the two adults absorbing the settings around him. Kisame groaned, "No."

They had been traveling for about three days now and Ichiko was driving them insane! They would've been there already, but due to the boy's thin frame, it was taking them longer than usual. They hadn't entered any towns, so they slept out in the forest. Ichiko had no problems, in fact, he seemed happier to sleep outside than inside. To pass time, Kisame would try and explain what was outside the forest like electricity and clothes. They had tried getting him into something more appropriate, but he refused and wouldn't wear anything else saying that clothes were stupid and served no purpose. When Kisame challenged him saying that he wore shorts, he retorted back that Master told him to wear something that would cover that area though he didn't know why. Even now when it was pouring down rain, he still refused any clothes.

"Are we there yet?" He asked again petting his long hair.

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"What about now?"

"NO!"

"Now?"

Kisame face palmed, "Just ignore him Kisame." He muttered to himself.

"Ignore who?"

"Arrghh!"

_They're both children._ Itachi thought disapprovingly in his partner. The base came into view and Kisame silently prayed a thank you before both raised their hand up were the key to the entrance was. Each member was given a ring. It allowed them access to enter and leave whenever they pleased. It wasn't the best security, but there weren't a threat to any nation yet so no one would really try tracking down their base.

"We're here."

They walked through the field surrounding the large house. Yes, even criminals sleep in a house just like everyone else. Opening the door, Ichiko entered in first, then Kisame, and finally, Itachi.

No one was in the living room, but the smell of something good was drifting in through the kitchen across the room. Konan was making dinner, cool.

"We're back!" Kisame called to no one in particular, "And we've brought a forest boy!"

Ichiko narrowed his eyes at the shark debating whether that was a compliment or not. Konan peeked out of the kitchen and blinked at the dirtied child. "Uhhhh…."

Ichiko stared wide eyed at Konan and tugged on Itachi's sleeve, "He looks different from you guys." He whispered taking another glance. Kisame laughed, "Konan's a girl, that's why she doesn't look like us. We're boys."

The long haired boy blinked, "A girl?" He echoed, than gasped, "Master told me about them! They raise babies!"

Konan coughed, "Uh, so who is this kid, boy or girl?"

Ichiko huffed, "I'm a boy and Ichiko thank you!" He snapped clearly offended.

"For a kid who just learned what a girl is, you're pretty offended." Kisame mused, "Why?"

"Master told me girls are the lowest of low! They're only here to work for us and raise babies." A tick mark appeared on Konan's head, "Who's Master?"

"My master."

"…"

"…"

"Your master?"

He grinned, "Yup! That's his name!"

The kunoichi coughed again turning to Itachi, "And why did you bring a kid here exactly?"

"He is far more powerful than he appears to be. If he's properly trained, he will be a powerful asset to the Akatsuki in the near future." The Uchiha explained, "His 'Master' taught him a few things that caught my attention."

Konan shrugged, "Alright, but I have one more question, why is he practically nude?"

"He doesn't think clothes are necessary."

"And why?"

Ichiko, who was currently inspecting the couch, shrugged, "Because Master told me that clothes served no purpose. I don't get it why he wore clothes, but I guess he had a reason."

Konan glanced at the shark and then weasel and they shrugged. "How old are you anyways Ichiko?"

"I was found in half leaf."

"Huh?"

"He means fall." Kisame explained, "He doesn't know how to count or read or pretty much anything, but I'm guessing he's around seven."

Itachi grunted in agreement, "I'm also guessing he never had a bath before either."

"What's a bath?"

The trio took a step back. Konan's face twisted in disgust, "Well that's going to change. Come with me Ichiko, I don't want you to look like a mess when you meet Leader-sama."

"Leader-sama?" Echoed the boy as Konan grabbed his by the wrist and dragged him upstairs, "Itachi, finished up dinner for me."

"Hn."

Ichiko glanced over his shoulder and back at the girl named Konan. "Who's Leader-sama?"

"He's the leader here." Seeing the look of confusion on his face, she rephrased, "The alpha male."

Ichiko nodded, "Oh, I get it!"

She led him into her room and into her bathroom and started up the hot water. Only she and Leader-sama had their own rooms, but only she had her own bathroom. Ichiko backed against the wall and stared nervously at the rushing water, "What's it doing?"

"Making the tub full." Is this kid for real? He doesn't even know what indoor plumping is? Then again, he did seem fascinated with her flipping on the lights. The boy eased up and started petting his long hair. "How do you take a bath?"

"First you strip down naked, get into the tub, wash yourself with soap, dry with a towel, and get dressed again, pretty simple right?"

She turned the knob and motioned for him to get in. He pulled the shorts down and hopped in. Konan mused when his face turned into confusion. "How is it so warm?"

"Magic." She lied grabbing a cup, "Now just let me wash you okay?"

"Kay."

It took three bathtubs of hot water to wash that boy. Several of her shampoo bottles were empty and she had to get an extra bar of soap, but finally, the boy was clean. She was surprised that Ichiko's hair was red. After taking a half an hour to blow dry his hair, Konan put it in a ponytail using one of her hair bands. He looked absolutely adorable. She had managed to get Ichiko to put on a pair on her pants which was the dark purple and with red wrist band. She couldn't however, get him in a shirt. Ichiko sort of looked like girl, a pretty one at that. She made a mental note to cut his hair later if allowed to.

"Common, dinner must be done by now, let's introduce you to everyone shall we?" Ichiko walked by her side as they went downstairs and into the kitchen. There they were, face to face with everyone in the entire Akatsuki. Sasori, Zetsu, Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, Orochimaru, and Leader-sama himself. All turned and stared at the Ichiko.

_Holy shit Sasori had a kid! _**That's what he gets for screwing around, heh, get it? **_Ha!_

Sasori's eyebrow twitched as all eyes stared in shock at him. "I have no freaking kid." He growled as Konan laughed nervously.

"Everyone, this is Ichiko, a new possible member for the Akatsuki." She announced getting a 'WTF?' look from everyone in the room except the shark and the weasel.

"A child in the Akatsuki?" Kakuzu busted out first, "Konan are you off your nut or something?" Sasori nodded in agreement, "There's no way a little brat could last here."

Konan snorted, "Well it just so happens Itachi and Kisame brought Ichiko here because of the skills the child possesses."

Leader-sama nodded slightly, "What can Ichiko do?" He asked facing the weasel. He for one, did not look so pleased.

"Ichiko has a signed contract and is able to summon an animal, sets highly skilled traps, has an enormous amount of chakra reserves, and is very well skilled living out in the wilderness." He reported.

Leader-sama turned to Ichiko who was currently having a staring contest with Zetsu. "How old are you?"

Konan decided to answer for him, "Around seven." She didn't feel like explaining the whole season thing.

Sasori scoffed, "Seven? Are you serious? We can't have a seven year old girl running loose here!"

Ichiko stamped his foot, "I'm not a girl!" He snapped getting surprised looks from everyone. Orochimaru looked humored as to where Kakuzu had a twisted look. "Let me rephrase that for Sasori; we can't have a seven year old transvestite running around."

Ichiko looked at the stitched man with narrowed eyes, "What's a transvestite?"

All coughed awkwardly.

Kisame cleared his throat, "We found him living in the forest of death by himself. He use to live with a guy named 'Master', but he died about a year ago. He's never been out of the forest before so, he's not going to know jack shit about a lot of things. So if he asks stupid questions, answer it for him."

Leader-sama sighed, "I'll think about letting him in after I see firsthand of how strong he is. Tomorrow afternoon, be ready to fight."

"Yes Alpha-sir!" Konan stifled a snort of laughter as Pein glared her down.

"Children have such an imagination." She mused guiding the seven year old to an empty seat beside Leader-sama and herself. He stared at the plate of beef curry that sat before him. Several pair of eyes watched him as he attentively poked it with a finger.

"You eat that with a spoon and fork."

"A what?"

Konan face palmed, "Just watch me." She demonstrated how to use the utensils and ate the food. Ichiko copied her and shoved the piece in his mouth. His eyes widened, "Wow!"

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow, but said nothing as he left the kitchen. Not long after that, Zetsu sunk into the floor and Kakuzu left. Soon it was just down to Kisame, Konan, and Pein, all watching Ichiko on his fifth serving.

"You sure can eat a lot for a boy of your size." Kisame commented as he washed the dishes. "I'm surprised you haven't exploded yet."

"Explode? Why would I explode?"

The shark snorted, "Never mind, just forget it!"

Ichiko glanced over at the running water in pure fascination. It was surprising that this kid lived out in a forest his entire life. It was going to take a long time to teach him everything about normal life. Talk about a hermit from hell. Whoever this master was had some serious issues keeping a child in a forest. The forest of death was filled with monsters and giant spiders. A child living there on his own was just wow.

"Hey Ichiko, just what was Master like?" Leader-sama wanted to get as much information as he could out of this kid.

"He was a very funny guy. He liked to cooked new foods and wrestle with some of the animals nearby."

"Is that right..."

"Yeah, he didn't like all those ninja intruder people coming in and making causing ruckus."

"How old was Master?"

"I donno." He shrugged, "He's about your size, but he didn't have any dots on his face and metal thingies on his arms."

Leader-sama's eyebrow twitched, "I'm leaving. Find a place for Ichiko sleep tonight." Then he left. Kisame laughed the instant Pein left, "I like this kid. He's going to make the Akatsuki a lot livelier."

**REVIEW NOW OR SUFFER THE WRATH! XP**


	4. Bed time secrets

**Booya! Another fantastical chapter uploaded by the magical bookworm of awesomeness! I've been in such a great mood lately, I don't know frankly why, BUT I AM!**

Konan smiled inwardly as Ichiko cautiously opened the fridge and slammed it shut shuddering in excitement as he re-opened it again for the fifth time. It was so kawai that a child could be so interested in a fridge. Kisame had left after he finished dishes and she was here wiping down the counters getting all the things he missed. He cleaned pretty well, but not to her standards. Now that she thought about it, none of the Akatsuki men cleaned to her standards, huh…

Ringing out the washrag, Konan set it on the sink and swatted her hands in mid-air to dry them off a bit.

It still shocked her that Itachi and Kisame brought home a forest boy (Yeah, he was dubbed forest boy). Especially one with exceptional ninja skills and silky smooth hair. She wasn't really so sure about cutting his hair now. It was so soft and pretty, so it was one of those undecided things for now. Then again, Ichiko might want to keep his hair long, or maybe the thought never occurred to him, either or.

"Come on Ichiko-kun, stop playing with the fridge."

The red haired boy closed the fridge door, "So this is called a fridge?"

Konan nodded as she motioned for him to follow her, "Yeah, we use it to keep the food longer because we don't waste our time each day trying to catch it."

Ichiko crossed his arms, "Because you're too lazy to try and catch it." He muttered crossly to himself. Even for a little kid, he had one heck of an attitude.

That master guy taught him more than survival instincts alright. Gave him some claws and a growl to. His fingernails weren't long and nasty, they were actually pretty short.

Probably from chewing on them or something. Heading up the stairs, Konan went down the hallway on the right, rounded the corner, and pushed open her bedroom door. Nobody went in her room, ever.

They knew better. That was all there was to it.

Her room consisted of cream colored walls with a gerber carpet. There was a queen sized bed with dark purple blankets with a brownish red dresser to its left and a night stand to the right. On the night stand was a clock and lamp and on the dresser was little origami figurines and a photo frame in the middle with Nagato, Yahiko, and herself in the frame, all smiling. The ceiling had dozens of origami's hanging down and a door leading to the bathroom.

"Wow!" She chuckled at Ichiko's fascination. "Now I'm going to go change in the bathroom,"

She said grabbing her PJ's and going into the bathroom, "Knock first okay?"

Ichiko nodded, "But why? Are you ashamed of your body or something?" A tick mark bulged on her forehead, "No, my body's really-"

"Then why do you need to change in the bathroom?" Ichiko interrupted, "If you're not, then why-"

"We're done this conversation."

"But Konan-"

"No!"

Slamming the door behind her, Konan huffed as she started to undress. She can't believe he just said that! She had a nice body compared to most girls in Amegakure and she had nothing to be ashamed of!

Slipping into her PJ's, Konan removed her flower and started brushing her purple hair. There was a knock and the door knob started wriggling. Setting her brush down, she held back a snort of laughter with a frustrated huff came from the other side.

"You can't open a door?" There was silence before a small, defeated voice, muffled 'yes' increased her amusement. Grabbing the knob and swinging the door open, she started laughing, "How can you not open a door?"

Ichiko narrowed his eyes at her angrily. He opened his mouth to retort, but he paused. "I'm not going to stoop as low as you and argue." All amusement was turned to tension as the boy calmly walked away and began inspecting the dresser leaving a pissed off Konan. She somewhat slammed the door and loomed over him.

"Apologize!"

Ichiko stuck his tongue out, "No~" Then moved to a different part of the room. She was fixing to give him a firm whack to the head, but took a deep breath and calmed down. He was right, in some way; she mustn't stoop to his level and bicker like a child.

"It's bedtime." She announced gaining Ichiko's attention. "Where? I don't see a net around here."

Net? The hell?

Deciding it was best to shrug it off, Konan pointed over at the bed.

"There, that's called a bed; you sleep in it." Ichiko plopped down on it stomach first and rolled around before standing up and jumping. Konan waited for him to stop, and he did, and pulled out his ponytail letting his long red hair pool around him like a never ending waterfall.

Boy, what she'd do for hair as beautiful as that. Not the length, but the beauty of it. It really wasn't fair that a boy that had never washed it before had lovely hair.

Oh well, nothing's ever fair. Turning off the light, she crawled into the bed and wasn't expected to be pushed off onto the floor. "The hell was that for Ichiko?"

"Don't sneak up on me!" He squeaked sounding really surprised, "And you're a girl, you can't do that stuff!"

Confusion flooded her as she pushed herself into a sitting position. "What are you talking about? I was only going to sleep and what do you mean I can't do that stuff? What where you-" She paused, blinked, and squinted her eyes at the dark figure. "Uh, you don't mean mating, do you?"

Ichiko snorted, "Duh! Girls can't do that stuff!" Konan pinched the bridge of her nose. Great. This was the last thing she wanted.

She really didn't want to give him a lesson on how mating occurred and baby stuff. All she wanted to do was sleep!

"Uh, Ichiko, only a boy and a girl can mate and have babies." She hoped to kami that she wouldn't have to go into detail and just leave it as that. The second snort made her sigh inwardly.

"Girls get their babies from the bird with the long beak and boys mate!" Just what the hell did master tell him? Or did he just make his own prediction?

"Have you ever seen any animals give birth?"

"No. Master said it was rude."

"Well, a girl and a boy mate and the egg inside the girl is fertilized and then a baby starts to grow." Ichiko shook his head, "You're wrong, Master told me therefore you are wrong!"

This was starting to get downright ridiculous!

"Where's your proof then?" She demanded crossing her arms in victory. Unlike Ichiko, she had solid evidence. Tomorrow she was going to knock some smarts into this kid. Ichiko smirked at her, "Master showed me so hah! Suck on those raspberries!"

"…"

"…"

"…!"

Konan gaped, "What?" Whoa whoa whoa hold on. His master 'showed' him? It took her a moment to put two and two together before hugging Ichiko.

"What are you doing?" He demanded wriggling trying to get free. He didn't seem to know what he was a victim of sexual abuse! Now that was going to be a major slap to the face in the near future for him. He spoke of Master so proudly at dinner she would've never thought-

"Get off of me!" Ichiko's loud voice broke her train of thought. Letting go, she was once again shoved down to the floor.

"Damn it Ichiko stop pushing me off the bed!"

"Then stop hugging me!"

"I was only hugging you because of what that bastard did!"

Ichiko gasped, "Master's not a barstard you old hag!" Konan's jaw hit the floor as Ichiko got off the bed and stomped loudly to the door. "Now where are going?"

"Back to the forest! I won't have you saying mean things about Master anymore!" He declared wriggling the knob and stomping in frustration before grabbing it firmly and ripping the door off its hinges. Strange that he knew the words bastard and old hag...huh...

Konan shot to her feet and chased after him. "Wait up Ichiko!" She called as the red head rounded the corner in a fast dash. Konan swerved the corner and was surprised to find Orochimaru there with Ichiko on his waist being held up by an arm.

He stared boredly at Konan, "I believe you lost something." He stated not really asking. "You had a disagreement."

She rubbed the back of her neck, "You could say that."

Ichiko hissed at her sounding exactly like a snake, "She said mean things about Master!" The snake man blinked, "And why?"

"She's being a sore loser 'cause I proved her wrong! She said girls and boys mate, but she was wrong!" The boy almost hollered drawing more Akatsuki members out of their rooms with pissed off faces and deadly auras. Konan knew this wasn't going to end well. She was sort of grateful that Orochimaru was holding Ichiko. If he wasn't, he would've been long gone.

"Just what the hell is going on?" Kakuzu growled rubbing his eyes with a dangerous gleam. Ichiko pointed at Konan and in response, she pointed back.

Itachi face palmed and left and Kakuzu scowled at them before stomping away to his room. Leader-sama was still in his room and Zetsu was no-where to be seen. Sasori decided that he wanted to know what the argument was about and as did Kisame.

Yeah, this was sooo not going to end well. Konan pinched the bridge of her nose,

"To make things less complicated, we're having an argument about how mating works."

And on that note, Kisame left. Ichiko wriggled and squirmed, but couldn't get out of the S-ranked criminal's grip and gave up, just hanging there like a ragdoll.

Sasori blinked, "So you're saying it deals with intercourse and he's saying it's a bird, right?"

"What's intercourse?"

Sasori squatted down to his level, "Intercourse is when a male sticks his-"

"SASORI!" Konan clamped her hand over his mouth, "To soon!"

The puppet slapped her hand away and stood up, "Well he asked." He said with a shrug before walking away back to his room. Orochimaru yawned, "So am I really needed here or what? Cause if not, I'm going to bed."

Ichiko crossed his arms, "I'm going to bed with you, not that old hag!"

The snake man shook his head, "Uh no, I don't want a little kid sleeping with me in my bed." He wasn't a pedophile like everyone thought. He just experimented with them by injecting them with cells, nothing else. He didn't know how that made him a child molester.

"You'd be better off sleeping on the couch or something, but if you end up in my room in the morning, you're being used for target practice." And with that, he set Ichiko down and strolled off. Konan and Ichiko both stared at each other before the tomato yet started to turn around. She grabbed his shoulder,

"Ichiko, look, I'm sorry for what I said about Master. It was totally out of line."

The forest boy stared at her long and hard before huffing, "Fine, but you better make more of that curry stuff again tomorrow!"

She chuckled and patted him on the head, "Alright, common, let's get to bed." Konan was really relieved he was quick to accpet apoligizes or else things would've not have gone down so smoothely.

**Yeah, just wanted to add that for later reasons. When he does find out, some serious shiz is gonna go down. REVIEw~!**


	5. Why not use a bush?

**Bookworm: So Ichiko...how are you?**

**Ichiko: Who are you?**

**Bookworm: *Laughs insanely* I am god Bi-otch!**

**Pein: Hell no, I'm god!**

**Tobi: Both of you are fucking stupid, I'm the god!**

**Hidan: JASHIN'S GOD!**

**Bookworm/Tobi/Pein: JASHIN CAN SUCK IT!**

**Hidan: O^O**

**Ichiko: Eh? *Watches as the trio plus Hidan argues***

**Konan: Ignore them, lets get on with the story.**

**Ichiko: Okay...?**

Konan woke to a chilly breeze. Sitting up, her eyes landed on an opened window a few feet away. Stumbling over to the window, she grouchily slammed into down before crawling back into bed. Rolling over, she spread out her arms and was surprised when she hit nothing. Cracking open her eyes, she expected to see a sleeping red head, but there was nothing.

Jolting up (and falling off the bed) Konan shot to her feet and ran over to the window. Hurling it open, she climbed out into the pouring rain. "Ichiko?" She called seeing a figure off in the distance. Konan wobbily ran down the roof and landed on the soggy ground with a sickening: _**Squish**_

A shiver shot up her spine as her brain came to realize that she was out in pouring rain, wearing thin pajamas. Boy, she really thought this one through.

Deciding it was to late to go back in, she broke out into a full ninja run and chased after the figure among the trees in hopes of it being Ichiko. She couldn't sense his chakra, during dinner he told her how he kept his magic aura to an animal's level so the Intruders (cough cough, ninja), wouldn't sense him.

"Ichiko?" She called again picking up speed as she charged through the dark forest. The figure seemed to of hidden behind one of the trees. Konan tried skidding to a halt, but the mud and wetness from the rain made her skid across the floor and fly right passed the figure and smack face first into a tree. She then fell back first on to the ground and was stunned stiffed until the figure loomed over her.

"Following me weren't you?" Konan recognized Ichiko and sat up. "That's what you get!"

"Just what the hell were you doing out here?" She demanded rubbing her now aching forehead. Damn, he better have a good reason!

"I had to empty the lake, that okay? Or am I suppose to hold it until some magical device pumps it out of me?"

_Empty the lake? _Konan groaned, "We have a toilet you know."

"A what?" Ichiko's face scrunched up. "You have a place where the waste goes? Blec! Wouldn't it stink up?"

"No, it gets flushed away."

"Flushed?"

"You know...goes in a circle...and..."

"?"

"For Kami's sake follow me I'll show you!"

Konan, who is currently now drenched and covered in mud, stomped back to base and climbed into her room with Ichiko behind her.

Leading him into the bathroom, she lifted the toilet sink and pointed. "There, you flush it and it goes away."

"Where?" He asked curiously peering closely into the bowl of water. Konan smirked as she pushed the handle down and watched as Ichiko jerked back, startled, before grabbing her brush and throwing it in.

Konan's smirk twisted into a scowl as she fished her brush out.

"Damn it!" She cursed under her breath.

"Where does your waste go?" He asked pushing the handle down again, luckily Konan had removed the brush before he had pushed down.

"It goes to a place where the waste is seperated and sent back. It is sent back as the water from the sink, shower, or toilet." She explained.

Ichiko's face scrunched up in disgust, "Ew! You drink your own waste?"

Konan facepalmed, "No you twit, it is processed and is cleared of all that stuff."

"What's a twit?"

"Nevermind that," She grumbled getting him and herself a towel. "I'm tired and you must be to, so lets dry up and go back to sleep."

Ichiko nodded and Konan managed to look away before he stripped himself down shamelessly infront of her. This kid seriously needed to be taught about the importance of privacy.

Leaving the bathroom, Konan went over to her dresser and started to dig through once more and try to find something that would fit him. She knew only to get shorts, shirts he'd immediatly take off. This was awefully familiar since Hidan usually walked around base shirtless.

And as much as she hated to admit it in her mind, he did have a nice body. What? Don't judge, you try being the only girl in an organization of sexy men. They were lucky she hadn't tried raping one of them yet seeing how shameless some of them could be.

After quickly changing into another set of Pj's, she didn't fail to hear the toilet flush, yet again. Handing him the clothes quickly, she crawled back to bed and went out like a light.

-Break-

Ichiko didn't understand the point to all this useless magic. This thing, he flushed the toilet again, sucked down anything it could fit in the hole and be 'processed' as Konna put it and make it usable again. Weird right?

It sounded alot more simple to just go outside, find a find bush or tree, and do business there. He had already tested out how strong this toilet was. He had flushed the small cyclinder like tubey things from a box down, for what reason they served he would not know, and a ton of soft scroll-like substance that was close to the toilet.

He tried flushing larger things down, but than the toilet water rose up and dripped over the edge. He did it again and it flushed, but more water spilt.

Backing out from the bathroom, Ichiko spotted a lump on the bed and figured it was Konan. How could they she sleep so late? The waking sun was going to be up soon and she was going to over sleep it!

Didn't anyone here wake up as early as he? His eyes rested on the door that led out into the hallway and he brisked his way there.

Grabbing the knob, he pulled. "Open!" He whispered angrily tugging it on harshly. Stomping his foot, Ichiko peered closely to the knob and notice little circles around it with two lines crossing on each. If he could get those off, then he could get out! But...how?

That's when the pointy star (Shuriken) from the shelf caught his attention. He could twist those things out! Scooping it up, Ichiko set to work.

It took a decent ten minutes to twist the little circled things out and he caught the knob before it hit the ground, there was a thud on the other side of the door indicating that that one had fallen of to.

Giving the door a push, Ichiko grinned in victory as it opened. Peeking out into the dark hall, Ichiko slowly crept out and with his trusty pointy star in hand, he started to search for doors to open.

The first door he came into contact with and opened, turned out to be nothing more than a stupid room filled with stupid scrolls! Scowling, Ichiko backed out and continued down the hall.

His eyes narrowed as they rested upon the staircase. He didn't trust those things well enough to climb down, so he moved on on the upper level.

After about an hour of unlocking doors, Ichiko leaned against the wall boredly. He had been careful enough not to wake anyone by listening in to the sounds beyond his sights and had opened doors that were not hiding any humans behind it.

So far, all he managed to find was a big white room with beds, a giant scroll book place, another storage area, a room filled with plants, and a room he had accidently found with chackles chained to the wall and bones and pointy devices.

His gaze drifted to the stairs and he glared. He hated those damn things.

Placing the shuriken firmly between his teeth, he slowly, but surely, climbed down. Each step was filled with immense caution. After finally making it down, his stomach made a loud growl.

Spitting the pointy star out, Ichiko went to the kitchen. He remembered it, walk past the area called the livingroom and you'd reach your destination.

He did of course and flicked on the switch as Konan had done to the bathroom and the light temporarily blinded him. Making a low whine, he rubbed his eyes.

What the use of all this blinding light? He only needed a dim, not the sun! Cracking an eye, he made his way to the object called the 'fridge' and gave it a tug.

It opened of course and he wondered why the doors weren't like this one. This was so much easier to open unlock the others. The windows were easy, but doors...it was just one of many things he hated about this place.

Cool air wrapped around him and he shivered. Peering up at the food stacked before him, Ichiko wondered what he should eat. Everything looked yucky.

_'How do they eat this dirt?' _He thought closing the fridge door in disapproval. _'They need to taste real food, not stored!' _Ichiko grinned at the rising sun, It was time to hunt.

**Bookworm: *Sits on top of Hidan and Pein* I win bitches!**

**Ichiko: O_o"**

**REVEiw~!**


	6. Ichiko vs Sasori

**D: Long time to update, sorrieee!**

Ichiko giggled as he jumped into a puddle. The water splattered and slim slipped through his toes causing him to shiver in delight. _'This place is sooo cool!'_

Back at where he use to sleep(live), it never rained like this! Not to mention all the puddles! The red head spotted another puddle and went to jump, but froze. _'Remeber Ichiko, you must keep at the task at hand. Allow no distractions!' _Master's voice rang through his ears and his shoulders slumped.

"Oh well, not like it's gonna stop raining anytime soon. I'll splash later..." He decided. Picking back up on the trail, the red head tightened his grip on his speare. He had made it a while ago and was going to put it to good use.

Right now he was tailing a buck, it was average sized based off the footprints it had left. He had been stalking it for a while and was more than ready to take the kill.

He was mere footsteps away from the magnificant beast. His antlers were long and his beaty eyes flashed warily around his surroundings; making it rather clear he knew he wasn't alone.

Ichiko crouched lower in the bush and patiently waited. The moment the beast turned his head, he shot out of the bush, speare in position. Suddenly the forest went up and he saw tree tops incircling him. He felt the mud beneath him and he quickly shot up.

The buck was fleeing!

Ferret dung!

The seven year old took off in a hast, ignoring the slim ooze down his backside. He was too focused on not loosing his kill to notice. Sending energy into his feet, his speed tripled and he ran along side with the beast.

The buck steered off and Ichiko slided to a halt, but the slippery ground and his current speed made him slide into a tree. Even though this, he refused to loose his meal slip through his grasp. The ground was unsafe, so he would travel by tree tops! Ichiko wrapped around the bark tree and quickly hauled himself high and preceeded in the chase.

It took at least another hour to find the darn thing and this time, there would be no mess-ups! Ichiko jump from the branch and the speare went right through the head, making a rather clean kill. The beast's knees buckled and it collapsed dead on the moist ground.

Removing the spear, he wiped the blood off and hauled the dead creature over his shoulders. He staggered slightly, catching his balance, than strolled off.

**'What the hell is on your back?' **Asked Zetsu as Ichiko strolled in(After kicking the door down).

"Food." He answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

_'Smartass.'_

"Go rot in a swamp." He growled stomping into the kitchen. He tossed his catch onto the table and began searching for knives.

xXx

No expected to wake up with their doors wide open and door knobs gone. As the Akatsuki began to wake, this is what they saw.

Oi, Kakazu!" Kisame called from down the hall, "Are you missing your knobs too?"

"Shut up!"

"Were we robbed?" Came another call down the call, probably from Orochimaru.

The shark yawned, "I honestly don't care, all I want right now is my morning coffee."

"Hn." Itachi agreed, following him down the hall, along with Kakuzu.

The trio rounded the corner and were surprised to see a steaming Konan stomp out of her room.

"Have any of you seen Ichiko?!" She demanded the moment her eye rested on them.

"No..."

Kakuzu glared, "Let me guess, the transvestite is the reason for all the missing door knobs, migi(right)?"

The kunoichi sighed with a huff, "He can't open doors. I'm surpised he didn't rip them off their henges." That led to another question: how the hell did he manage to remove the bolts without making enough noise to wake them all up? They were either heavy sleepers or he was just that good. They all snorted inwardly, _'Yeah right...' _Refusing to admit it.

"Speaking of which, where is the brat?" Sasori asked, sounding as if he didn't really care, "Hopefully dying in a hole somewhere..." Kakuzu muttered as he presumed his destination to the kitchen.

Now the trio of three became five with the addition of Sasori and Konan. All followed one after the other down the stairs and into the kitchen.

The kitchen.

The kitchen in which that was suppose to be spotless.

The kitchen that was now covered in blood and guts. A carcus laid on the table and there was skin dangling from the counter. It was an extremely gorey scene.

"The hell is going on here?!"

That question was answered when they saw Ichiko standing near the oven. He spotted them and waved. "'Bout time you slugs woke up! Now help with this square burning thing! I can't get the darn thing to roast!"

Sasori's eyes twitched, "Roast what?"

"The buck I caught, duh!"

Ichiko dodged the incoming punch from the other red head. "You're really short-tempered aren't ya?" He mocked leaping up on the counter, crouching down low. "Now tell me how to work that darn thing!"

"I will right after I kill you!" This time it was Kakuzu who lunged. His fingers clenched around the seven year old's throat and he started to shake the ever living life out of him. Konan shook her head, "Kakuzu, killing him now would be-"

Ichiko's legs slammed into the masked man's gut and he dropped. The red head sat, coughing. "Baka!" He shouted between coughs, "Th-they hell was that f-for?!"

Konan pinched the bridge of her nose, "Kakuzu, don't kill him, Pein will be pissed if he finds out you killed a possible member for the organization, he'll have your head on a silver platter."

"I'll kill him one day." He snarled, stalking out of the room. Sasori shot a murderous glare at the seven year old before following on out.

"They're rather sweet huh?" Ichiko mused coldly, rubbing his bruised neck. "Now, about the heat thingie-"

SMACK

"OW!" He shouted, rubbing the bump on his head. "What was that for?!"

"What possesed you rip open a deer inside the base?!" Konan demanded.

"Because I couldn't start a fire outside." He answered dejectedly

"A fire?! Are you insane?! There's a fridge right there!" Kisame exclaimed, pointing at the innocent fridge a few feet away.

"But everything there looks like dung!" He protested with a huff, "I have no clue how you eat that, but I can't!"

"You can and you will!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE SHARK MAN!"

"I'm a shark DEMON!"

"STILL DON'T CARE!"

**'Can you be any louder?' **Came a grouchy snarl. All turned heads as a pissed Zetsu came tromping in. _'Ichiko, what's that god aweful smell?'_

Ichiko narrowed his eyes, "Deer."

**'It smells fucking aweful, throw it away.'**

He jabbed a finger out at the plant man, "Why don't _you_ throw away that ugly face of yours!"

**'**_**...'**_

Ichiko stuck his tongue out in a smug way. "Nah!"

"**What's going on.**" Came a very demonic voice. And guess who entered? The one and only Pein!

"Ichiko decided it would be fun to unscrew all the door knobs and gut a deer inside the kitchen!" Kisame shouted, making poor Itachi's ears bleed.

"I didn't do nothin'!" The red head claimed, "All I was doing was making food for sunrise!"

"Sunrise-nevermind, get outside right now."

His facial expression went blank. "Huh?"

"Test, the one you're taking today?" Pein said, irritably.

"Can I eat first?"

"Outside. Now."

The red head huffed and opened up a window, he was jumping out when Konan grabbed him by the arm and threw him back inside. "Use the door like a normal person!"

" 'Use a door like a normal person.' " He mimicked, in a high pitched voice. Dodging an punch, he stalked out, clearly upset.

"So who's he going to fight?" Kisame asked, scratching the back of his head. "I can't imagine Leader-sama fighting and Konan, your just...no."

"And what's that suppose to mean?" She growled, drawing a kunai with full intent to use it. Itachi stepped in. "Kisame meant it would be better if Ichiko was paired up against someone with hatred for him. You'd probably end up going easy on him and he'll most likely take full advantage of it."

Kisame nodded hastily, "Exactly!"

Liar.

"So who's gonna fight him?"

xXx

"Don't think I won't go easy on you brat!" Sasori snarled from across the clearing. Ichiko, who was currently stretching, scoffed.

"And don't think I'll go easy on you you water logged puppet!" He snarled back, jumping in place. Leader-sama along with the rest of the Akatsuki, watched from a distance, all waiting anxiously for the battle to begin.

"You have been given the run-down, anything goes. First one to die or fall unconsious looses. Ready? Hajimeru(begin)!"

First there was no movement. Ichiko crouched down low and stayed there, eyeing Sasori intently. Making it clear he wasn't going to attack first.

Sasori wasn't a patient man, he wanted to end this fight and get onto more _important _things. He disappeared in a flicker and appeared behind the crouching child, poisoned dipped kunai drawn and ready to attack. Much to his surprise, Ichiko didn't leap away, instead, he rolled to one side and with one leg extended, he twirled around to a 180 angle and hit the back of his knee. The force was so strong, his legs gave out.

He fell on his bum and Ichiko back flipped away. In his hand was the poison dipped kunai. He fingered it started to twirl it in a fast motion.

Sasori leaped back to his feet and pulled out a scroll. He raveled it in a matter of moment and out poofed a wooden puppet. It had on a black cloak with beady eyes and sword in hand. His chakra strings attatched and he didn't miss the look of astonishment on the boy's face when it started to move on it's own.

The puppet, or Shi is what he called it, lunged for Ichiko. The sven year old gasped in surprised and dodged the first blow. Then the other. And the many more to come.

There was no way he could even get close to the puppet master. With him constantly dodging the attacks and Sasori's eyes on him, it was simply impossible.

From Ichiko's point of view, he was having the time of his life. When was the last time he sparred like this? Had to of been before Master had died. He wasn't as strange as Sasori, but just as lethal to kill.

_'How am I going to get close enough to attack him?' _He thought, _'I don't have any weapons and with him watching me...got it!'_

Instead of dodging like he had been doing, Ichiko blocked the incoming arm and in a flash, he appeared merely centimeters away from Shi's face. Focusing energy into his fist, he reared his arm back and snapped straight. Shi went spiraling away in pieces and Sasori made record in summoning more. Three this time.

"Fight me like a man!" He shouted, pointing a finger at Sasori and ignored him. The puppets flew his way and with a grin, he threw down a smoke bomb.

Smoke instantly filled the clearing and through the smoke rushed a small figure. Sasori leaped back, into the trees and cross his arms into an X as a leg came flying his way. Ichiko flipped around and threw a punch, then another, and another.

Sasori grabbed his leg and threw him across the clearing. He landed on his hands and pushed himself into the air. The puppet made no hesitation as the three puppets sped his way, followed by a sea of shurikens.

Much to his displeasement, Ichiko grabbed one of the puppet and punched a hole. Then crawled inside, sucessfully escaping all the poisonous weapons. But _not_ the other two puppets.

Their swords stabbed through the puppet's chest and with a thud, the puppet hit the ground. Blood started to seep through the holes and no movement or noise was made.

Sasori scoffed and turned to Leader-sama, his puppets dispersing. "That was a complete waste of time. Itachi, next time you bring some kid into the Akatsuki, make sure he's-"

He didn't get to finish as he was suddenly head butted and thrown into the trees. All the Akatsuki flickered to the new location and watched.

Ichiko was perched in one of the trees glaring down at the puppeteer. "Never assume the battle's won until you _see_ the corpse with your own two eyes."

"Little brat..." Sasori spat, rising ot his feet, "When did you make a substitute?"

"From the smoke bomb I stole from you."

Sasori glared hatefully at him before realizing something. "Where's the kunai you also took?"

Ichiko blinked, then smacked hmself, "Fox dung I left it out in the clearing!" He hissed at the smirking Sasori.

"Here I thought you were actually smart." He mocked, making Ichiko tremble in anger.

"You're gonna regret that puppet." He snarled, disappearing with a gust of leaves. Sasori whirled around and punched the incoming Ichiko, making him fly even further into the forest. He ran after him, fist clenched.

Before he even hit the ground, Sasori stuck him again, sending him through more trees. The Akatsuki were now running to keep up with the battle. Just what the hell was Ichiko trying to accomplish?

Ichiko leaned against a tree for support and watching weakly as Sasori sped his way, this time, poison kunai drawn. It flew right into his leg and he let out a pitiful cry.

"Not so tough now ne?" Sasori said with an emotionless face. "I was sure not to use my more deadly poison against you. A simple dose of number 5 should finish you off within a few hours." His legs suddenly gave out and he fell to his knees.

"But that's the dose I'd give to a full grown man, so you've got less than an hour." He said nonchallant. "And this time I know your not a substitute."

Ichiko grinned, "Nope, just a copy."

_Poof_

Sasori's eye twitched as Ichiko poofed, indicating that this one had been a shadow clone. "So where's the _real_ brat hiding?" He called out around the trees.

Figures bolted from the shadows and out stepped one of many Ichiko's. "Bye bye~" He chimed, throwing a kunai at him. The one that he had 'supposedly' dropped in the clearing. Sasori dodged it with ease and snarled. "Enough of this," He growled, pulling out the scroll to his ultimate puppet, the third kazekage. The kunai hit a tree and that was a snap.

Looking over his shoulder, he saw a flash of rope. Then every part of his body became immoble. This was in shocking realization because he was wrapped tightly in a hand woven net, hanging from a treetop.

Ichiko leaped up the tree and onto the branch where he was. "Just like hunting." He mused, "Wasn't sure this was going to work, but I'm not complaining." One of his clones picked up the scroll he had dropped and ripped it to shreds.

Sasori watched this and bristled in anger. This most prized puppet, was gone...

Chakra exploded from him and the net disintegrated. Ichiko let out a startled yelp as a pair of fists collided to his cheek. He flew through at least half a dozen trees before coming to a roll, then halt. He winced as he sat up. He could feel the eyes of the Akatsuki watching him. Not like he cared anyways. Green chakra oozed from his hands and he pressed them both firmly on his chest, hoping to fix whatever broke and hopefully before that crazy puppet came at him again.

Ichiko may have looked like he was in pain, but in actuality, he was having a blast.

_'So many options to choose from...' _He thought as he saw Sasori coming at him. _'Now what to choose, that is the question...'_

His copies(aka clones) fell from the treetops and attacked. Ichiko took this time to disappear and plan a course of action.

xXx

Pein watched as the battle went from ten minutes, to almost a half in hour. Sasori no doubt was going to win, but it was still a lingering surprise that Ichiko was still standing. He was covered in numerous cuts and scraps and looked ready to keel over.

But there was something in his eyes, excitement.

Someone in his position wouldn't have eyes like that. It was comeplete oposite of what hsi body language said. _'He may be faking being tired.' _He deducted, his crossed arms tighting. _'To fool Sasori into lowering his guard.'_

It was too soon to rule anything out. This 'forest boy' was more then he appeared to be. There was no doubt he was joining.

Pein knew the battle was over the moment Sasori managed to nic Ichiko's flesh. And he knew this wasn't a clone.

Ichiko fell to his hands and knees and his shallow pants of breath could be heard.

"It's over." He heard Kakuzu say to Kisame, "I won't admit I'm surprised, but..."

"No it's not." Itachi said, making all look at him.

"Ne? What do you mean Itachi?" Kisame asked, glancing at the panting Ichiko and back to his partner.

"You were there when we first saw him were you not?" The Uchiha questioned in a low tone, "He poisoned you did he not?"

"Yes but, how is that..." Kisame nodded slightly, "I get it."

Leader-sama turned his attention back to the fight. If what Itachi said was right, Ichiko should be have a higher immunity to poisons since he was creator himself, which meant, he was faking.

_'Sasori's in for a surprise.' _

Sasori cautiously made his way over to the boy. Remembering last time, he kept a safe distance. After seeing just how bad Ichiko was, he loosed his guard and approached less wary.

_'Ichiko's waiting for an opening...Now!'_

As if the red head heard, he instantly reared upwards and slammed into the puppet's chin, causing ihm to fly into the air. Ichiko crouched down before disappearing.

"Itachi, that wouldn't happen to be the Shadow of the Dancing Leaf would it?" It was one of Konoha's technique's.

"Hai, the Leaf Shadwio Dance is a technique where one follows the opponent, closely matching their body's movement and speed. The technique is usually preceded by a swift upper kick that will launch the target into the air. I'm surprised Ichiko headbutted instead of upper kicked. This move is mainly used to position the opponent into the air where they are vulnerable to almost any attack." Itachi explained, his eyes not leaving the battle.

Ichiko appeared behind Sasori and before the puppet could react, he wove around with a leg extended. While the puppet fell full speed to the ground, Ichiko came from above and slammed down, both feet on his back.

Dust filled the area and for a few seconds, everyone was unable to see. When the dust clear they saw the damage.

The ground crack with impact and a small crater was made. Sasori was sitting up, breathing heavily with half his face cracked and arm completely smashed. Ichiko was not far off. He was on his back with his eyes closed; passed out.

"Sasori's the winner." Pein mused, watching Konan head out to check for any serious injuries. "Does anyone here still believe he's not worthy of becoming an Akatsuki member?"

No protests were made.

Good.

Because whether they wanted him here or not, he was staying.

**Soooo sorry for not updating in like, forever! I couldn't get the creative flow. T~T**


	7. Ignorance is bliss

Black Zetsu = **Baka!**

White Zetsu = _Baka!_

Both = _**Baka!**_

"OW!" Ichiko yelped, leaping away from the rag and alcohol in Konan's hand. "YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!"

The kunoichi's eyebrow twitched, "Stop whinning and sit down!"

The red head went to make a beeline for the door, but she grabbed his red hair and jerked him back. The seven year old fell backwards and landed in her lap. Konan took the opening and slammed the cloth down on a large cut running up his arm.

"YEOW!" He tried wriggling out of her grasp, but her iron grip was unbreakable. "Will you quit...squirming." She growled out, trying to maintain her grip and dab more alcohol onto the cloth. The bottle slipped from her hands and splatted all over the red head.

"GYAAAAAH!" He shrieked, ripping away to run in circles. Konan snorted and put her hands on her hips.

"That's what you get for not staying still!" She scowled.

"I take lip from a girl!" He shouted in retaliation, furiously swiping at alcohol covering him. "And I can heal myself with _your_ painful magic!" He spat, stomping out of the medic room.

"And he's going to be in the Akatsuki." Came a displeased snarl. Konan glanced over her shoulder and scoffed.

"Sasori, you were out smarted by that kid more than once so I'd shut it if I were you."

The puppet frowned at the remark, then narrowed his chocolate eyes. "Now the question stands: Which one of us is going to be partnered up with that brat."

xXx

"Stop moving!" Kakuzu snapped, making yet another failed attempt to get measurements for an Akatsuki uniform.

"Then stop touching me!" The red head snapped back. The miser purposely stabbed a needle in his arm. Ichiko yelped and leaped back, gazing around wildly. "What was that?!"

"What?" He asked in a sinister innocence.

"Something bit me!"

Kakuzu shook his head, "Stop being a baka and stand back on the stool."

Ichiko huffed and jumped on. Unfortunatly it was a rolling stool. He slipped and the fell. Due to the laws of gravity, the stool reared forward and slammed into Kakuzu's knees. "Th-that thing's bad!" He cried, holding his head.

The Miser groaned and rubbed his aching forehead. This fucking brat was more trouble than he had originally thought. He didn't seem to respect anyone here and was eager to disobey. The possibility of them even becoming partner's made him want to snarl. There was no _way_ he could stand to join up with him. He couldn't imagine having a partner as rude and distasteful as him! (Poor Kuzu, he has yet to meet Hidan XP)

Focusing back at the mission at hand, he glanced down where Ichiko should be. All he saw was an outline where he was suppose to be.

His eyebrow twitched madly.

Ichiko shuddered, wondering where that chill came from. Shaking his head to dispell of it, the long haired red head trumpeted down the halls, searching for a certain someone. He stood on the top of the stairs and glared down.

_'We meet again!' _

Grabbing onto the railing for support, Ichiko slowly made his way down. _'Why would they have something as scary as that?' _He wondered, once down. _'They're stupid.'_

"Ichiko? Aren't you suppose to be getting measurements from Kakuzu?" Came an emotionless voice. His heart fluttered and he turned around. "Weasel!" He greeted with an estatic grin.

Itachi raised an eyebrow, wondering whether he should correct him, but starring at the bubbily kid, he decided against it.

"Aren't you suppose to be with Kakuzu right now?" He asked again.

Ichiko huffed and crossed his arms. "I don't see a need to wear that long clothy stuff." He muttered. The Uchiha sighed inwardly. "It's part of our organization, it symbolizes your loyalty and placement in the shinobi world."

"...?"

"In other words, it's part of joining our pack. We wear this to show the shinobi world who we are."

He clutched his hair in frusturation. "What's this Shinobi word you keep using?!"

"It's another word for Ninja." He explained.

"What?"

"Intruders; magic users; etc."

"Ohhh!" Ichiko nodded. "But I don't like wearing all that stuff..." It was stupid. How was a dark long piece of cloth suppose to signify you're part of a pack?

"Sorry Ichiko, but that's part of being in the Akatsuki." The crow made his way up the stairs, he stopped and glanced over his shoulders. "And act nice or else you will be killed before the month's out."

The forest boy rolled his eyes, obviously not believing him. He killed? Pft, Weasel was clearly underestimating him. During his fight with that wooden guy, he didn't even summon Fujiyama! If she was summoned, she'd kick that stupid Sasori all over the forest!

"You should listen to him you." Kisame called from that thing called a Crouch. It was a stupid name, but so was fridge. "Itachi wouldn't give you advice unless it was important."

"I don't need a fish telling me what to do." He called back. Leaping over the 'crouch' and landing ontop of him. Kisame shoved him off onto the floor. "And I don't need some baka kid jumping on me."

Ichiko crossed his arms, forming what it looked to be a pout. "Everyone here's too bossy. Master was nicer." He added in a lower note.

"How did Master die anyways?" Kisame asked, hearing what was meant not to.

He frowned, "I donno."

"Eh?"

"You're stupid."

"What's with that condescending look? And I'm not stupid!"

Ichiko snorted. "I said 'I Don't know'!"

"How?"

"...Shut up."

"Forest dweller."

"Wanna-be shark."

"Why you-"

"THERE YOU ARE!" Threads suddenly wrapped tightly around the red head and he let out a surprised squeek. In entered a very demonic looking Kakuzu.

"I'm getting those measurements whether you want them or not!" He said in a scary voice, making him shiver. "Kay..."

Kisame watched as Kakuzu and Ichiko left the room and he chuckled lightly. "That was new."

xXx

_"No offense Leader-sama-"_

**"-But are you out of your fucking mind?!" **

Leader-sama glared ever so slightly at the plant man before him. "It has been decided. Ichiko _is_ your partner. He will be assisting you on spy missions and anything you deem fit to teach him."

**"There is NO way I'm taking on that disobediant brat!" **Black Zetsu spat angrily. **"I've already got a pain in the neck. I don't need another!"**

_"But Tobi is a good boy." _The white said in a jokingly manner, making his other side snarl. **"Shut up!"**

Pein smirked, "Exactly."

Zetsu turned and gave him a glare. _**"Care to explain?"**_

"Oh no, not really." He said, gesturing a hand around, "You are dismissed. I will inform him after he recieves his cloak and settles in."

**"If he even steps one foot in my room-"**

_"-I'll eat him."_

He narrowed his ringed eyes, "He is official your partner, therefore he IS staying there."

**"This is bull shit..."**

_"For once, I agree."_

Leader-sama ignored the low mutters and growls as Zetsu sunk into the floor. _'They complain Ichiko's rude when they give me the amount of respect HE does.'_

He thought shaking his head in disapproval.

**A tad bit short, but hey, least I'm updating :) **


	8. Just another day

Ichiko grabbed the Akatsuki-designed bandana and tied it firmly around his forehead. "There, now I'm part of the pack, better?"

Kakuzu snorted, but said nothing as he waved him off. The seven year old grabbed a chunk of his ankle length red hair and stroke it gently as he left the room. He didn't fail to hear the 'transgender screw-up' before exiting. It didn't both him none, because not a minute after he left, there was an explosion.

"ICHIKO!"

Ichiko whistled an innocent tone as he rounded the corner. _'Now, time to find something to eat!' _Patting his bare stomach, he frowned. _'What to eat though...'_

Stupid Konan had thrown away the buck he had spent all sundown tracking and whacked him over the head! _'Master would've been pleased...' _He thought sourly, cautiously heading down the stairs.

"Hey, Ichiko!" Turning his head, he frowned even further.

"What Fishy?"

Fishy, aka Kisame, narrowed his eyes slightly. "Leader-sama says your presence is needed on the top floor in the office."

"...What?"

He facepalmed, "Just follow me baka."

Ichiko turned his back to the shark. "I'm going to _eat_, I'll talk to Alpha afterwards." He said simply. Kisame shook his head, knowing if that happened, Leader-sama would go on a spree. And it wasn't a shopping spree. He would have to resort to physical support and drag Ichiko to Leader-sama's office.

He grabbed Ichiko by the wrist, and ignoring his startled yelp, threw him over his shoulder. "Let go of me fish dung!" The boy shouted.

Kisame used the body flicker technique and appeared infront of the office, approximately four levels higher. Ichiko gawked.

"How'd you do that?!" He demanded the moment he was put down. "Only Master knows that!"

Kisame opened the door and ushered him in. "Later."

The boy stumbled slightly, but gained his footing and stood upright. There across the desk was the leader of the Akatsuki, he just called him Mr. Alpha.

"Hiya Mr. Alpha!"

The Alpha male rolled his eyes at the name(he didn't get how it was rude) and shifted a few white squares on his desk. "You have been brought here to be told of your new partner." He informed deadpinned. "You have met Zetsu am I correct?"

Ichiko's face twisted into sheer horror. "That ugly plant man?!" He said in disbelief. "I ain't gonna be his partner! I'll be Itachi's partner instead!"

"Kisame's Itachi's partner."

The boy shivered, then glared. "You're fighting on slick ground Mr. Alpha." He growled, sounding like a growling wolf.

"That is exactly why you've been made Zetsu's partner. You have excellent mimicking abilites and you know the wilderness like the back of your hand. You'll make a perfect spy."

"A what?"

Leader-sama hissed in irritation. "A spy is someone who sneaks around and secretly gathers information. Get it?"

Ichiko nodded slowly, not getting it at all. "Yes...?"

"A room has been prepared, now go there and make it as comfortable as you want. There will be now missions for you until you are trained properly. If you have any questions, ask Zetsu."

"I don't know where the room is..."

"Down the hall, take a right, another right, then a left." He answered pointing to the door. "Now leave!"

He pulled open the door and stepped halfway out before turning his head. "Which is my right again?"

xXx

Ichiko sat on the porch of the house or whatever it's called as he tied another knot. Konan had been nice enough to get him a ton of something called jute twine. It was a lot more sturdy than the other rope he'd use for the hammak in the forest.

Using his teeth to bite through, he tied up another knot.

"You know you'll ruin your teeth like that."

Ichiko glanced over his shoulders. "Hi Mr. Snake man." He said, turning back to what he was doing. "What you doing here?"

Orochimaru took a seat on the wooden flooring. "I've been sent to make sure you aren't getting into any mischief."

"Mistif?"

"Mischief: It means to get into trouble."

He snorted. "I don't get into no trouble!" He tightened the knot on his Akatsuki cloth that was wrapped around his forehead. "Everyone here's just to mean!"

"Or maybe you're just to wild." Orochimaru mused. Ichiko's hair bristled, very much similar to a cat. "That better be nice." He threatened.

The snake raised an eyebrow. "Nevermind, just ignore me and continue on with what you're doing."

Ichiko stared at him long and hard before shrugging and going back to work. And within a half and hour, he had woven himself a large net. Raising to his feet, he glanced over at Orochimaru who was surpringly still there.

Only difference was, he was sleeping.

_'Who sleeps sitting up?' _He wondered, stepping past him and heading on back into the house.

**"Great, you're here." **Zetsu growled as Ichiko stepped inside the room.

"Yes, I am here, and now shut up." He replied cooley, strapping the net up. Afterwards he climbed on and grinned. "Now it feels like the forest!"

**"Yes, putting dirt all over the floor and covering it with leaves and grass is sooo smart." **Black Zetsu said sarcastically. _"Now all you gotta do is plants some trees and you'll feel at home in no time!"_

"Fox dung." The seven year old muttered, "You can't plant trees inside. At least in my home I could! I planted yummy berries and and berries that made those darn intruders go to sleep!"

**"As in died?"**

"NO! Master says you only kill for food and to protect yourself!" Ichiko roared, flipping off his hammock and landing on the 'foresty' ground.

**"Hate to break it to you kid, but you're gonna have to kill people."**

_"Especially when spying." _White Zetsu added._ "'If you're caught, you have to kill that person in order to stay hidden."_

"Well then, I just won't get caught." Ichiko answered, stretching out like a star. "Why can't I live outside?"

**"Stop asking stupid questions."**

"Then stop being stupid!" He snapped, throwing a clod of dirt at him.

_"Why you little!"_

A clock clonked him on the head. "HEY!" He held up the device.

_Click click click_

His eyes widened, all thoughts of throwing it back, gone.

"What is...what is it?!"

_"A clock."_

**"What the hell else would it be?"**

"What does it do?" He asked, shaking it.

_"Tells time."_

"Time...?" He remembered Konan and a few others mentioning something about this 'time', but he never saw it up until now. "What are those little things on it?"

**"Numbers, kami kid you really were raised in the forest!"**

_"And the ironey is HE'S in the Akatsuki." _White Zetsu added.

"Numbers..." Ichiko rolled over and pushed himself up. "What is the snake looking one called?"

Zetsu snorted. _"Go ask Konan!"_

**"And get outta my hair!"**

"And I thought badgers were rude." The red head muttered, racing out of the room, clock still in hand. He wanted to know what those 'numbers' were.

"Alphena!" He called running through the gloomy halls. "Where are youuuuuu?!"

Skidding to a halt, he sniffed the air. "There she is!" He said, running down the hall and into her room. "In that bathroom thing again..."

He frowned.

Then ran towards the door.

He kicked the door of it's hinges and held up the clock. "Alphena teach me how numbers!" He hollored. Alphena, aka Konan, who was currently sitting in the bathtub, let out a startled shriek and made an attempt to cover up.

"Get out Ichiko!"

He tilted his head. "Why?"

"Get out!"

"Teach me numbers!"

"OUT!" A bar of pink smacked him in the face, followed by various other objects.

"GYAAAAH!" He screamed, dodging as he ran. "Evil Alphena!"

Slamming open the window, he rolled out and ran across the roof. Rain pounded down on him and he couldn't hear the ticking noises anymore.

"Clock?" He pressed it firmly against against his ear.

Nothing.

"It's dead!" He gasped, jumping off the roof and landing...on someone...

"THE HELL?!"

"Woody!" Ichiko bolted to his feet and held the clock out. "It's not breathing!" He said in a panicky voice.

Woody, aka Sasori, shook his head. "It isn't alive you twit, it never was."

"OH NO I KILLED A SPIRIT!" The seven year old pressed the clocked against his chest and bolted into the forest, crying out for forgiviness or something along the lines.

Sasori shook his head once more before entering the base. He passed a sleeping Orochimaru and cocked an eyebrow. _'This day keeps getting weirder and weirder.' _

xXx

**"Where the hell is my clock?!"**

Ichiko sniffled, wiping his misty eyes with a muddy hand. "In a better place."

_"Don't tell me you put it outside?!"_

The red head was drenched and from the elbow to fingertips were covered in mud. His legs weren't much better.

"I killed spirit..."

**"A what?"**

"I didn't mean to..."

_"Are you talking about the clock?"_

He hugged himself. "Yeah. But I burried it. The spirit will not follow me."

**"There was no spirit to begin with you dumbass! It's like electricity, moves and glows, but isn't alive!"**

Ichiko blinked. "Really? So I didn't kill a spirit?"

_"I can't do this, I don't care if I have to beg on my hands and knees-_**I can't have this...this thing as my partner."**

As Zetsu sunk into the ground, Ichiko dropped to the dirt/leaved floor and started to roll around. "What in the seven hells are you doing?!" He glanced up to find Konan storming over towards him.

"Drying off, what's it to you?"

Konan grabbed him by his long hair and dragged him into the bedroom's bathroom. "We are humans, _not_ animals." She scolded, filling the tub up. "Now you use this pink bar to wash your body and this bottle for your hair, got it?"

Ichiko glared as she set a towel and some clothes down. "And when you're done, dry off with _this_ and put these on!"

Then with a scowl, the Alphena closed the door behind her. Ichiko undid the headband and glared at the door as he undressed and got in.

The water was warm and he sat there, wondering vaguely what he was suppose to do. He grabbed the bottle of shampoo and stared, thinking back to when Konan had given him a bath.

He popped it and took a whiff.

"It smells like the rosemary Master use to coat our net with!" He exclaimed to himself, "And mint leaves too!"

Holding the bottle over his head, he squirted. He then commenced and scrubbed his head violently.

xXx

Konan stood outside of the bathroom. She took a deep breath and entered, preparing to see the worse.

Surprising there was a fully(he was shirtless) dressed Ichiko. He was crouched on the counter, glaring at himself in the mirror.

"Ichiko, what are you-"

"Shh! He'll hear you!" The seven year old snapped. He turned back to the mirror and glared once more.

Konan facepalmed. "It's called a mirror, it reflects your image." To show her point, she stepped out infront of it. The boy fell off the counter and scooted against the wall.

"THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!"

"No you idiot!" The kunoichi snapped, heaving him up back on the counter. She pointed to the mirror. "It copies your movement...sorta..."

There wasn't any other way to explain it to him.

"Why would you have somethin' like that?" He asked, waving to himself. "Seems useless."

"It's so you know what you look like."

"That's stupid."

"I don't care know common, it's dinner time." She grabbed his wrist and dragged him out.

"Are we having that curry stuff again?" He asked, stopping, which have her stumble backwards.

"Yes," She lied, "Now hurry up or-"

"CURRYYYYYY!" Ichiko was out the door before she could even finish.

**Alphena=the alpha male's mate. :D**

**REVIEW and all the good stuff.**


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